Hope VS Hopelessness
Last week, at the supermarket, as I reached for some fruits, a lady brushed past me and grabbed 2 packets. She, then, suddenly turned around and picked another 2. She needed to stock up, I gathered. She looked at me but couldn’t really meet my eyes. I knew she was embarrassed to show her anxiety and fear - that there might be scarcity of food in the future. In order to feel safe, she wanted to buy as much as possible.
Feeling vulnerable is natural – this is a tough time for all of us. Some people are handling it well going about their usual day. Some are stocking up, expecting worse times. It’s not right or wrong, we all have different thresholds of tolerating anxiety. If yours is high, learning how to navigate fear and uncertainty might mean learning some simple breathing tools or Yoga or exercise. If need be, talk to friends, family or even a professional therapist.
We all have our own threshold of tolerating anxiety. Build Empathy for others and compassion for self .
One way to also stay out of uncertainty is to know the facts. Yesterday, I was confused what self quarantine or self isolation meant? How far do I go? Stay home all the time? Cancel all face to face meetings? Not attend any Gym classes? Well, I made a list of things I will do and some that are flexible. This was based on information from medical professionals – not speculation. This made it easy for me to stay grounded –We need to decide what course of action to take to stay healthy.
Physical and Mental safety are linked. You can’t have one without the other. When you say healthy – mean physical, mental and spiritual
I received a frantic call from a client last week. We spoke at length about her fears - her daughter’s graduation might get cancelled. Many emotions came up - uncertainty, anxiety, frustration, anger amongst others. Besides, losing their sense of invulnerability to illness, many people have lost something important to them - net worth, plans to travel with family, academic semester , their daily routine, friendly interactions and much more. We have all lost something in this pandemic. And we are all navigating through these difficult times.
In 1969 Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief in her book "On Death And Dying".
The five stages of grief Kubler-Ross observed are: Denial, Anger , Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. When we suffer some unalterable news, we experience these reactions - they are our coping mechanisms.
Although, she does not include Hope as one of the five stages in this model, Kubler-Ross adds that hope is an important thread running through all the stages. This hope is the belief that there will be a positive end to the change and that there is some meaning that will eventually be learned from the experience. Even during our worst moments, humans want to create meaning - this is our free will and choice - the meaning we give uncontrollable events.
In my experience, this is an important indicator of our ability to successfully navigate change. Even in the most difficult circumstances there is an opportunity for growth and learning. Once the event is over, it’s time to regroup and reflect - what did I do well? What needs to be strengthened? What did I learn about myself? or What was I taught?. Big changes and challenges give us a gift—the opportunity of a fresh perspective to reassess our goals and our purpose. It takes time to process and heal, but the answers will become clear over time.
As a Life Coach, I know that difficult emotions do not change overnight. As part of the growth process, we all navigate the grief process in our own unique ways. Coaching is not going to hurry up what is natural but it’s going to feel less painful, less lonely and isn’t that worth hiring a life coach for?