HOW EQ WILL HELP YOU NAVIGATE CHANGE
How would you describe your change process? Can you cast your mind back to the time when you chose change? What did you do that worked? What hampered you? We have different tolearnces for change. Some people embrace change and some dread it. This is especially true when we are jerked out of our daily comfortable lives and habitual ways of being. Change can imply risk and who needs risk and with it the probability of failure?
I have experienced many changes and transitions in life. Relocation, new career, financial difficulties, empty nest- these are just a few. One important propeller was recognising ahead of time and planning for it. In my plan, was a deep sense of kindness towards myself that included some acknowledgement that I would fail in some area. Some days were harder than others. I also included others in my plan. For e.g: Despite the upheavals, I continued my daily exercise routine. I took more self care than usual - sleep and healthy eating were a priority.
Have you ever wondered why we feel discomfort with change? Neuroscience may offer us some ideas. Current understanding of our Brain shows that we are creatures of habit. I guess, once we know “how to” “what to” “When to” we feel safe and secure. The pathway to certainty ensures we will survive. Hence, change is threatening – it activates a different area of the Brain called the “Amygdala”. This is our fear response – the flight or fight activation.
Small changes we can handle, after all, no one is new to change! But, if change is inconsistent, unpredictable, enormous and the norm, then our brain gets overwhelmed.. Not knowing when or what kind of change keeps us estranged from problem solving as the creative thinking part of the brain shuts down.
So, what can we do when change is the norm? How can we navigate change? Good news is: Research shows that we may be hard wired to resist change but our brains respond to new experiences. New pathways are always possible – age is not a barrier. Change is hard and new ways take time. But, we can do it. The question is HOW?
Here are three GUIDELINES:
Resistance versus Acceptance: If your coping mechanism is control, chances are you resist change. That is like plugging a river. Like a river, life is inherently moving . Denial that change is coming, can also leave us unprepared. The sooner you embrace the evolving nature of life, the calmer you will be through change. However, this acceptance is not meant to induce passivity. It simply allows you to not futilely resist what you cannot control – change!
Be kind to you: Do your best to be your best version in all situations. Dealing with change is messy because tough emotions are involved, unanticipated hardships come up and we scurry back and forth between choices. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Take a first step. Some days just celebrate where you are. Perfectionism is a myth. There is no perfection in nature – we love a sunset as is.
Recognise your emotional blocks: Unresolved past issues can crop up - as old resentments, childhood fears and traumas are reactivated. . We believe we are done with our past hurtful experiences, but under stress, those old demons may besiege us. Change can make us feel anxious, fearful, useless, obsolete, helpless, angry and resentful. Our past then collapses into our present and we are hampered by our instant coping mechanisms. Coping – let’s say – via addictive behaviours, fantasy, not acting at all hampers our ability to adapt healthy behaviours and accept our situation. So, Know what haunts you.. Heal your past.
Navigating change and transitions is an inner job. None of it is easy or a quick fix. Recognising your patterns is the first step. Naming and understanding your emotions guides you to understand yourself. Take care of the inner you. Change may not be in your control but you can fully control your response to it.